The dating game

Over a rather delicious plate of foie gras creme brulee with friends the other night at La Marmite, the conversation turned to dating in New York.

Now, anyone who lives or has lived in New York will know that being single and female there is hell. To say competition is rife would be an understatement and, what's worse, is that the prize isn't even that exciting. I haven't done the research, but go to any party and you will see a sea of beautifully dressed women, all looking hopefully across at you as you enter the front door, glazing past you and focusing on your right shoulder in hopes that you might be coming with a man... and that maybe that man might be single.

Upon moving to New York solo, finding a man quickly becomes a full time job - just secondary to building your high powered career which keeps you intellectually superior, more affluent than you were wherever you came from and, inevitably, much more intimidating to a man than you've ever been before. And the fact that there are thousands of women just like you (maybe a little taller, shorter, rounder, thinner) doesn't help matters much either.

In comes the dating game. A game of hide and seek which becomes the only way to stay ahead of the game, keep men calling, keep you on dates and prevent you from getting your heart broken. No, I never said this would help anyone find love, it just helps you keep your head above water, because it inevitably results in your heart freezing over a little (T had to conduct some serious de-frosting - which I'll leave for another day).

So, here are some thoughts on how I think the game works, and how to play it:

How things go when the girl doesn't play the game:

1*. Boy meets girl at party/bar/club. They get on well blah blah

2. They kiss goodnight and end up going to his apartment

3. Girl says goodbye to boy in the morning as she's already made brunch plans to gossip about exactly that night with her friends. Boy says he's so happy to meet her and promises to call

4. Girl goes to brunch

5. Girl waits for boy to call. Boy doesn't call. Ever.

How things go when the girl plays the game:

1*. Boy meets girl at party/bar/club. They get on well blah blah

2. Girl leaves the party earlier as she has another party to go to. Sorry, mate, bye! Boy sniffs a chase and asks her for her number

3. Three days later (two is ok, one hits the ego - if they met on a Friday, he won't text until Wednesday), boy texts girl (no call) to ask her out for dinner in three days time (same as above re ego and risk management)

4. Girl replies 6 hours after receiving text (she's busy, thank you) that yes, she can meet

5. Girl text boy on the day of the date that she will be a little late

6. Girl arrives 10 minutes late. Dinner proceeds. Girl is warm, friendly etc but distant

7. Girl says she's going home after dinner. Boy walks girl home. Girl makes it quite clear she won't be up for any kissing

8. Boy texts that night that "it was a wonderful evening". Girl replies she enjoyed it to (throw a bone).

9. Next day (or two), boy texts again to meet again later that week. Girl agrees.

10. Repeat points 7-9 ad infinitum, adding day dates, afternoon walks and candle-lit dinners where appropriate

*Same applies to online dating