Call me tiger

If you remember at all, I went to have laser hair removal on my legs at Indulgence Spa. Well, the first treatment didn't work at all, and the second treatment resulted in me literally having grill lines all over my legs. Not good.

I was more British about this obvious catastrophe than I am about most things. I informed them that I'd been "over cooked", politely accepted the technician's (Tamara - for those of you who want to avoid her) scar cream and went home for a month of wound licking.

But yesterday, my mind finally made itself up. I called them up and left an urgent-but-calm voicemail on their answering machine. I tried to sound like a ship's captain reporting a mayday - authoritative yet unequivocally in dire straits. "I need to speak to the manager. Severe scarring has occurred etc"

Needless to say, the manager called me back immediately and asked me to come down to the spa so their laser "expert" could look at me. I arrived and was led into a room, patted, hugged, stroked, photographed, tutted over and soothed. At this stage, I informed the manager that I would be getting all my money back, to which she replied she was going to "deduct the price from the upper leg" to which I repeated you-will-deduct-everything. Small victories. I mean, seriously, I could have rolled myself up inside my oven for free.

Anyway, the expert, the manager and the soother all left me alone in the room for a minute as they went to turn the accountant upside down and empty his pockets. At that moment, I absent mindedly looked down at the cream the expert had given me for scarring, and read that it was the wrong cream. I'm no dermo, but "bleaching cream" isn't going to help skin healing. No comment. I marched out and told them they were dangerous and should have their license taken away. They nodded, soothed and hugged in reply.

So, while I wait to see my doctor for a real solution. Just call me tiger.

P.S. If anybody knows any good scar reducing cream or anything to get the white stripes to disappear please let me know!!