Mr and Mrs T

Off getting married

g&t

Greece

(yes, as in sailing, dolmades and a shaky economy)

And how would you like that tied?

Given Etsy's massive success, clearly we are all heavily into handicrafts and, if we haven't already, are about to convert our second bedrooms into workshops from which to build our hand made empires. Needless to say, my interest in this area has been cool, at best, until last week, when I took myself over to Sham Shui Po.

Sham Shui Po has been recommended to me on numerous occasions as THE place-to-buy-anything-to-tie-pin-and-decorate-with. So, as I needed wedding supplies, off I went. As I sat on the metro as it worked its way into Kowloon I imagined I would find myself in one of those markets where each stall sells exactly the same thing, only at different prices. Wrong. This place is essentially like any neighborhood, you know....roads and shops and things, with not much sign of a market as such. It was of course at this point (the point where I see there's no market) that I realise I don't actually know where I am going. So I just wander around past hundreds of cheapo crapo clothes shops selling things like this...

Never quite seen it put that way...

Tastefully selected and meticulously colour coded

And just as I was about to give up, the shops suddenly changed into bead, button, zip and ribbon shops. Hundreds of them. And each and every one of them completely different from the previous one. So, you would think well-how-many-different-types-of-ribbon-can-there-be well, think that anything you can put on a ribbon wheel, is technically ribbon.

String-like ribbon (accessories above also for sale)

Basking Zips

Boas on wheels

Shiny-tacky-Hello Kitty-Lolita-Printable ribbon

Lace (Take that Villa do Conde)

And then there were flower accessories, buttons, beads in the same sort of quantity and variety as above.

Wouldn't Project Runway be so much more fun....?

Return of the haggler

Being foreign sometimes has its serious disadvantages. The biggest one of them all is being perpetually ripped off. All the time. It becomes exhausting paying NYC prices in HK! The thing is, I imagine some people don't even know they're getting ripped off, while I have the blessing (or curse) of local colleagues who tell me before I embark on any purchase - but mostly after - exactly what the price ceiling is. Invariably, I am charged triple the price ceiling -if I'm lucky - and no amount of coaxing will bring it down.

And yes, I know I've written about this before, when I was looking for that bloody cupboard, but I've somehow managed to steer clear of any major bargaining situations over the past year. Probably because I've been limiting my purchases to Park 'n Shop, clothes shops with printed price tags and Starbucks. But I always knew that I was only one off-piste purchase away from being seriously and unfairly overcharged. (I consider Starbucks to be fair overcharging as they don't discriminate).

Just the other day, I called up the A/C cleaning crew to come and wipe down two average size, common all garden A/C machines. Before calling them, I did my usual survey with the colleagues to see how much it should cost. In Barcelona, if we'd had air conditioners, it would have cost, say, about 30 Euros. My colleagues guessed around 400HKD. Well, I was quoted ..wait for it ...2000HKD! And when I told them I would pay 400, the guy on the phone sheepishly said his boss wouldn't go lower than the original price, and that was final. So there I am, a blonde stuck between a rock and a hard place, and no A/C... so I coughed.

Yesterday I had the exact same problem with ribbon. I went to buy ribbon, as any good self-respecting -soon-to-be-bride does, and was warned in advance by my squad not to pay more than some tiny amount. Of course, I was quoted ten times that price, and even after I plonked the ribbon back in the pile, pretended to walk away and shook my head saying "too expensive! to expensive!", the stall keeper (yes, we're talking about a market stall here) just shrugged and walked off to chat to her buddy at the hanging-knicker stall next door.

Now, as I sit under the one A/C that works - yes the other one never quite got fixed - probably clogged with dollar bills - I'm feeling quite sorry for myself, and thinking some sort of "Local Personal Shopper" agency is just what I need right now. Some sort of ribbon bargaining specialist or something.

Wedding guest outfits in HK

I had to go shopping this weekend for an outfit to wear to T's best friend's wedding. As usual when it comes to Hong Kong, it's almost impossible to know where to start looking to buy anything. Hats? ummm...A pretty dress that's not some randomly selected Stella Mcartney drape or a skin tight Herver Leger bandage in shocking pink? eeerrmm... Shoes that fit..ummm.

Well, Google and my hairdresser (two excellent sources for most things) recommended a few places, which I must say were pleasantly surprising all round.

Hats and elaborate fascinators can be found at Hatwoman. Not cheap (much of my debate was around whether I should get a new dress or buy a hat), but fun to try and maybe worth splashing out on if you feel your entire outfit would be a flop if you weren't wearing a special little something on your beautiful head.

Fascinators for the fabulous

Dresses can be found at Diane Von Furstenburg. Not new news? No. But so obvious you might have missed it.

Spotted this in the DVF shop in Landmark building this weekend on sale and thought it might work rather nicely for a summer wedding

Other dresses can be found at Love It, where Katherine, who runs the show, will specially order outfits to suit whatever you're looking for - and your body type. She puts you on her mailing list and then lets you know what she's found for you before it hits the shop floor. I've yet to see what she gets in, so fingers crossed on this one. But she seemed pretty sensible, as she rightfully disapproved of a saggy number I tried, spotted that I was wearing an ancient bra as my boobs must have been all over the place and then sent me home empty handed saying, "I'll call you when I have what you need." Breath of fresh air.

Shoes. Ahh shoes. The bane of my existence. I got a pair custom made at DYOS (Which stands for Design-Your-Own-Shoes). They take "mass customization" to its best by giving you a number of shoe shapes, sizes, widths, heel heights, leathers (I chose kid..moment of silence), colour etc. Outcome hasn't been delivered yet, as they take 6 weeks to make, so definitely not the place to do any impulse or last minute shopping.

Pick a shoe. Any shoe.

Dr. Crackling

I woke up the other night with the most terrible crick in my neck and, after a sleepless night, staring at the ceiling and moaning every time my head moved, I went to work armed with my box of Panadol Muscle Relief. My team took one look at me and ordered me to a)stop-taking-pointless-drugs and b)to go immediately to Mr. M who's known-as-the-crackling-doctor.

It was a particularly rainy, miserable day and so I very reluctantly headed off to Wan Chai to find this Crackling Doctor. I squelched upstairs and into Mr. M's clinic (read: one-bedroom-flat-with-two-hospital beds, a TV-and-a-wooden stool). There stood a rather ancient Chinese man in a white coat who took one look at me, asked me a few critical questions and with a perfunctory nod, pointed me towards the bed, where I guessed I had to take my shoes off etc. Bed side manner not a strong point here.

First of all, he tenderised the area in question with some acupuncture for 20 minutes. After what felt like an eternity, face down, listening to the TV and hearing him potter around, he pulls out the needles (no pain), and then proceeds with the "massage".

If there were an instruction manual, this is what it might read:

- Put on boxing gloves

- Punch patient (read victim) in head and neck. Aim every so often right on the most unbearably painful and tight bit. Do so with urgency and quick, erratic movements

- Remove gloves and vigorously pinch patient on neck. Punch shoulders

- Dive down onto legs and without stopping for air, grab opposite leg to where you are standing and rock patient's entire body (with feeling), rock until patient looks like she's about to roll off bed

- Repeat with other leg

- While patient is still shaking, imagine yourself bouncing back against wrestling ring ropes (think WWF), as you jump on patient and CRACK the side of her neck. Repeat with other side after shaking patient's head and forcing it to look the other way

- Use metaphorical ring ropes again to jump and CRACK shoulders

- Shake and pull both arms with violent insistence

- CRACK clavicular

- Flip patient over and repeat

If patient blubs like a baby. Ignore. This is a normal release of tension, emotion and sometimes fear.

Patient, by the way, left completely cured. Before leaving, patient asked him when how she would know if the crick was really cured. He replied, "Move your head from side to side if it still hurts after three days, come back." Sensible.

Cook your way thin

So I've started cooking again. This has been driven mainly by the fact that I can't bear the thought of another butternut squash soup with steamed broccoli dinner. Food rut, anyone?

Also, in an attempt to move from being slim to becoming a waif (bride-in-a-bikini-mission), I've been dipping into the "French Women Don't Get Fat" book, which is the most pretentious piece of food writing I've ever read - how can she write that one of French women's greatest assets is they know how to laugh? Inaccurate at best. That said, it certainly motivated me to get my head around some on piste recipes aimed to shrink my bum while at the same time ticking off the pleasure value box.

My source? Marmiton.com. Idiot proof recipes which only use basic fresh ingredients (no running around looking for marjoram required) and reviewed by 100s of French women who spend their life cooking, eating and managing to stay inside their skinny jeans. P.s. Google translate will get you through this should you need it.

They have a section called "Get thin!" . None of this "be your best self" or "healthy living" BS you get in the States. I think this would go down rather well in Hong Kong, where people are more than a little frank about each other's size. Last week one of my Honkie colleagues saw a photo of another colleague who she hadn't actually ever met in person, and called her up to inform her that she hadn't expected her to be so fat, and how about laying off the sweeties?! Note that the other colleague is American. Global team building at its best.

Anyway, here's a dish I made this week, which went down rather well and which even a blindfolded monkey could pull off:

Filo pastry round of parsley, ham and tomato

Ingredients per person:

2 pieces of filo pastry (go down to City Super and buy it)

1 tomato sliced

1 slice cooked ham roughly ripped

1 slice of goat's cheese

Chopped fresh parsley

Calories: 290 (if you're stingy on the cheese)

Prep and cooking time: 20 minutes (from walking in the door with bags to serving)

Here's the trick that changes this dish from being a blt samousa to being vraiment gourmande:

Get your two sheets of filo pastry and rummage around your kitchen for a ramekin or small bowl. Put the filo sheets (one at a time) inside the ramekin, so you've created a little pocket. Then put all the ingredients in the pocket and close the filo pastry around it. Seal it and then flip. So now it looks like a large round of camembert. So pretty and almost El Buli-ish in the art of disguise. Marmiton has a vid on this.

Stick in oven at 200c for 20 minutes. Serve with leaves and vinagrette.

Future wife ranking spikes upon serving.